crabbypants needs a nap

I only got two hours of sleep last night. That’s about fifteen minutes longer sleep than the duration of my morning drive. Betcha can’t guess what my first thought was when the alarm went off this morning.

Sleep deprivation can be a very tricky thing. First of all, it can fool you (much like PMS, hallucinogenics, and the evening news) into believing that people are truly out to get you. It also impairs reaction time, mood and ability refocus your eyes on the road between texts. It’s evil. But combine sleep deprivation with an extreme commute and you’ve got a monster on your hands.

It’s no wonder that by the time I got to the office this morning, I was absolutely convinced that road crews were out last night repainting the lines in a tighter wave than Tyra’s weave. And they did it just to screw with me and my ability to stay in a lane.

That alone would have been enough, but no, those damn gang-banger hamsters were up my arse in their Kia Soul. Lucky for them I was too sleep-stoned to tango or else I would have had to get all ninja up in the place and send them back to the plastic run-about balls they came from. No joke, there really was a tailgating, no-good, Kia Soul: it was as green as exorcized vomit. Just like this one, in fact:


Anyhoo, so I somehow made it to work on the wings of my guardian angel and fueled by some seriously sludgey Wawa coffee that I’ve since really come to regret.

Here’s to hoping that my eyeballs don’t roll back into my head on the way home and that that Soul is off the road. Cuz after a day like this one, the fur is bound to fly.