another commuter affliction

Following the popularity of Tuesday’s revealing adult acne post, I’m going to continue today with another affliction that I deem inextricably tied to extreme commuting. And that is…the eye twitch.

If you are unfamiliar with the eye twitch, see this creepy video:



Causes of the eye twitch as they relate to commuting:

• Staring hopelessly at the dented rear bumper of the car in front of you, knowing that if you take your eyes off the back of this perpetual speed braker for even a moment you’re certain to make that dent a lot deeper. Even if he does kinda deserve it.
• Trying not to sneeze. Because everyone knows that the scariest involuntary thing you can do while driving is to sneeze. Your heart stops. Your eyes close. It’s a snot-spattered wreck waiting to happen.
• Nervously lying to a state trooper: Officer, I had NO ideeeeeea TWITCH that I was going TWITCH 80 in a 55. TWITCH
• and finally, holding back the inevitable anger that wells up when, yet again, someone with New York plates gets all up in your rear thinking that they own the road and will somehow magically make the line of all of the other cars in front of you disappear like Moses on the parkway.

TWITCH, TWITCH, TWITCH