groundbreaking study

New research conducted by Polish dermatologists, Drs. Hugh Gzitski and Poppa Pimpsky, has revealed that commuting is a definite cause of adult acne in patients who drive more than an hour a day.

See pictorial evidence from a selection of their study subjects:



Here is the data from their study:



Suggested causes for this positive correlation:

• Dehydration from excessive caffeine intake and regular coffee peeing
• Excessive cell phone usage and related build-up of acne-causing bacteria
• Elevated levels of stress hormones caused by buttheads who should have their licenses revoked
• Increased mindless picking during traffic jams
• and finally, lack of sufficient time at home between commutes to maintain regular hygiene habits.

I don't know about you, but I find this to be truly eye-opening.

And I published it on the internet, so it must be true.

i kinda hate driving, actually

You know what’s ironic about my extreme commuting? I kinda really hate driving.

Any chance I get, I toss the keys to the Honda to SYB and make him cart my lazy butt around. I didn’t even get my license until I was 17 (almost 18), when everyone else was getting theirs at 16. I wasn’t anxious to drive. I had two friends with cars - one with a hand-me-down Corolla and the other with a swwwwweet Volvo DL manufactured well before my conception – and they didn’t seem to mind my ride-mooching. Plus, there really wasn’t a chance in hell that I was gonna pass the driver’s exam if my choices were limited to parallel parking either my dad’s Explorer or the beached-whale of a road-yacht that my mom drove around back then.


I probably would have never even bought my own car had it not been for the fact that I was living in Pittsburgh and SYB lived in Jersey, and Greyhound smelled like dirty, calloused, hippie feet mixed with mildew and liverwurst. (Clearly, I had no choice but to purchase my independence.)

Oh, the power of young love and large doses of Sportscenter and snuggling down the shore…

Anyway, I would give just about anything to not have to drive so much now. Walking to work would be swell, but that would limit me to a less than lucrative bakery or liquor store career. While an employee discount would be AWESOME…I just dunno if that’s for me…

So I guess driving it is…for now…unless the pastry bizz really takes off. And if that ever happens, then EZPass should prepare itself for a strong downturn in revenue. Cuz when it’s time to make the donuts, I’ll be there. Not on the parkway. And you can count on that.

showdown

So...there I was going 80 up the parkway. (That's about 25 over...I hang my head in feigned shame.) I was in the left lane passing people (cuz that's what you're supposed to do when you're in the left lane) who were going about 75.

Anyway, this d-bag is some fancy new glorified station wagon decides to crawl up my butt and be pissed that I'm only going 80. There's not really any space for me to pull into the center lane and I'm not going to risk 85 just to appease him, so I hang with the traffic and feel like I'm doing the world a justice by giving him his well-deserved time-out.

Apparently, he disagreed. As soon as he found a break in the center lane, he pulled in and raced around me. Laying on his horn the whole time.

Now I can respect that this dude was in a hurry. I don't even mind that he cut me off. But there is nothing more infuriating than a guy who uses his horn to telegraph the Morse code for eff you. Seriously, what does that achieve?

Isn't the horn supposed to be used to alert and warn? Like, "hey, I'm here, probably shouldn't merge into my front bumper" TOOT, TOOT! Or maybe dude was warning me. Maybe he wanted to take it out to the rest area parking lot and have a good ol' fashioned showdown.

I'm not scared: I'll O.K.-Corral his ass back to drivers ed where he can learn about proper horn usage.


That is, if his speeding off at 90 in front of me didn't land him there anyway!

couldn't have said it better myself

Thought I should help her get the message out. Here is a note from Lisa, over at A Pear Tree on Mossop Street:

Dear Mr. Pimped-Out Honda Civic,

Thanks, oh so much, for the objectifying honk while I was running. However, I'm going to pass; it takes more than that to pique my interest. Unless you were honking at the old lady behind me, in which case I apologize for my sassy comment.

Sincerely,

Lisa

You tell 'em, sista! You're just out there makin' sure that THIS stays a 10...I get you.

undecided